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- A priest, a minister, and a rabbit walk into a blood bank..

The rabbit says, I think I might be a type o.

-Why is Peter Pan always flying?
Cause he Neverlands.

-I’m not wearing glasses anymore.

I’ve seen enough.

-My landlord says he needs to come talk to me about how high my heating bill is.

I told him, my door is always open.

 

-I hate it when people don't know the difference between your and you're.

There so stupid.

-I dig, you dig, he digs, she digs we dig, they dig.

It’s not a long poem, but it’s deep.

-I've been a beekeeper for years and when my crush said "It's me or it's those nasty insects, make up your mind".

At first I didn't think she was serious.
Then I saw her face. Now I’m a bee-leaver.

-A Man walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder.

The bartender says “What an interesting pet, whats his name?”

“Tiny” the man replies.

“What an odd name, why do you call him Tiny?”

Because...he’s my newt

-I went to the store to get eight cans of sprite...

When I got home I realised I’d only picked seven up.

-People say the back of my head looks really nice.

But I don’t see it

-How much space will Brexit free up in the European Union?

1 GB.

-A guy broke into my house last night and was looking for money.

So I got up and looked with him.

- I invented a new word today.

Plagiarism.

- I can't find my 'Gone in 60 Seconds' DVD.

It was here a minute ago.

- My son asked me what procrastinate means.

I said: “I’ll tell you later.”

- My wife has this weird OCD where she arranges the dinner plates by the year they were bought.

It’s an extremely rare dish order.

- The internet connection at my farm was really poor, so I moved the modem to the barn.

Now I have a stable WiFi.

-Don’t you just hate that situation when you’re picking up your bags at the airport, and everyone’s luggage is better than yours.

Worse case scenario.

-Just finished a book about the greatest basement to ever exist.

It was a best cellar.

-I just found out that my new electric toothbrush is not waterproof.

I was shocked.

-I just won an award for most secretive person in the office.

I can’t tell you how much that means to me.

-I’m organising a charity ball next week for people who struggle to reach orgasm.

Just let me know if you can’t come.

-What do you call a bee that never quite made it in the hive?

A wanna bee.

-It’s really hard to say what my wife does for a living.

She sells sea shells on the sea shore.

-What do you call a superhero with a bad sense of direction?

Wander woman.

-You know what’s really odd?

Numbers not divisible by 2.

-If the Internet had a boat, where would they park it?

In Google Docs.

- I was feeling lonely so I bought some shares.

It’s nice to have some company.

-What word becomes shorter when you add two letters to it?

Short.

-My doctor wrote me a prescription for dailysex...

But my wife insists it meant dyslexia.

-My first time using an elevator was an uplifting experience

The second time let me down.

-My wife accused me of trying to win every argument we had...

So I told her why that was wrong.

-A century ago, two brothers claimed that it was possible to fly.

They were Wright.

-I got bored watching the earth turn...

So after 24 hours I called it a day.

-My friend says he’s a compulsive liar...

I don’t believe him.

- My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with acting like a news anchor.

More on this after the break.

- My wife says I'm the cheapest man in the world.

I’m not buying it.

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Idioms Explicados 

Palabras Homógrafas

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